Saturday, June 19, 2010

when i start to think,..

 Last i remember it was winter,harsh cold wind blows penetrate my skin to the very bones,making me feels like so old...wishing that it would end when the sun rises again in the morning,yet forgotten it the moment i lay myself in bed covered by the softness of the thick blanket...Now the warmth breeze fills the air,no it is rather hot incinerating blows that burn the skin,glaring sunlight blinding my eyes even with my shades on,now i wish it was still winter,oh how i wanted it so bad to be cold once again,..
am i being selfish to think and wish things were better the way i think it should be???wishing for the warmth in the winters and wanting to feel the cold while in summer???or should i just have some patience???wait for the season to change???for there is a time for everything,..

When i was in secondary school i ate every moment of my time at home thinking for a reason to get me out of my house,to spend some time with my friends,play some sports and have fun,i hate being at home, the boredom at home is really killing me,i even tried lying to my parents just to get me out of the house,..I've been bad to them,selfishly uttering words that i know not of their meaning,especially Mom,rather than giving her a helping hand in her daily chore i seek for a reason to slip out of it when ordered to do so,even at time being angry and saying harsh words to her when forced to do those chores, when I'm away from home it pains my heart so much that i'll even do all the chores for her willingly without being ordered if I'm able to be at home,..its just that now i really miss being home,i never thought that i could miss being home that i used to hate so much,..
for all this time,had i been good to them,had i did the things i should do?tho it seems that a lot of pieces is missing as if I'm not doing it right...will i still have time to think over and redo the mistake and do what i should???ask for their forgiveness is the least i should do,..

walking on the alley i saw a guy in a nice dress coat,neatly tied necktie unlocking his blue BMW, i thought to myself " how many times did he pray to God in a day for those wealth?". well i guess at least he would be praying to God 5 times a day for that is our daily prayer,but how come he could get the wealth while i didn't???i work hard to get rich, i pray for wealthiness after every daily prayers but why didn't i get??? am not trying to be greedy but,ah well its not like my prayers were heard anyways,..why do i always get the feeling that i never get what i wanted,seems like my hard work didn't pay off,or am i asking too much from God???and not being content with what God already given me???wanting more and more,never satisfied nor being content with,..

i know that i haven't been a good child to my parents,ungrateful and always uttering dissatisfaction on most of the things they've done for me,nor had i been a proper servant to ALLAH,for always asking more and more of the things i see others own,displease with what i own,getting angry and hating others for no reason other than they had what i wanted,..

Being patience with what we have to face,the harsh world we live in,Being grateful,being content with is what comes after patience,..never could we live without patience and never would we be satisfied with being content...


Friday, May 28, 2010


awaken by the coldness of the breeze
only to find myself within darkness
that i know nothing of it
nor do i feel comfort in it
cant relax to think nor can i react
seems that with eyes wide open
felt like its so tightly shut
blindness living without a light
loneliness only loneliness fill my heart
confusion dreads of consternation infesting
paralyzing, numbing never endlessly
I’m losing my mind
losing the hold of myself
even now losing conscious
of what is going on around me
it is fading inside of me
the will the believe the hope
to live on…
all is fading

- Zarkashy-

hopes and dreams

some said that this poem was imam syafiee's,but i couldn't find any source that this is his poem,but still a beautiful poem...also some said that this poem belongs to Abu al-‘Ataahiyah a poet in the ruling of Amir ul-Mu’mineen Harun ar-rashid...

ترجو النجاة ولم تسلك مسالكها # إن السفينة لا تجري على اليبس

more or less it means : you hope for success/salvation yet haven't taken its path # indeed a ship does not sail on dry land"

oh i wonder how many times had i heard this poem but still it is as my 1st time hearing it...the beauty it holds, reminds me that we need to work hard toward our goal to achieve it...
how can we hope to succeed in something that we put no effort to it, never can we get what we want by being idle and doing nothing.
Be brave and strong to have a Dream yet be braver and stronger to walk down its path...For the path to our dream is effort...may it be more than just words in our daily life.